


I Can Do It

by babypieandwhiskey



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Major Character Injury, loss of hearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 19:42:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16817170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babypieandwhiskey/pseuds/babypieandwhiskey
Summary: An injury during a hunt leaves the reader permanently out of action, will her relationship with the boys be finished too or will they find a way to make it work?





	I Can Do It

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts are Deafness and Human by Christina Perri. I grew up with a sister that has been hearing impaired since birth but have never really experienced what it is like first hand. That being said, I hope I got what this experience is like close to accurate and if not I apologize.

I Can Do It

Dean’s words echoed in your head, “If you can’t protect yourself, then you shouldn’t be hunting.”

But that was years ago and wasn’t directed at you, but damn if it didn’t apply to you now.

You know that it wasn’t your fault that this has happened to you. It was a freak accident that no one saw coming. It was a risk every hunter took every day. You had never stopped to think of this outcome though. Death, sure. Major injury, absolutely, but not like this.

When the explosion happened the last thing you remembered was Dean yelling out for you, then darkness. When you woke up nothing but pain and silence. It was different than any silence you had ever heard before. What most people think is silence, isn’t. There are still tiny noises in the air that are so small the average person doesn’t register them. A true silence was void of all noise. That was exactly what you were experiencing now and it was terrifying.

It took you a moment for your brain to catch up and by then Sam, Dean, and Cas were hovering over you. You could see their lips moving but couldn’t hear what they were saying. You knew they were probably trying to find out if you were okay, but didn’t know which questions they were asking, so you had no clue what answers to give them.

“I,” you stopped.

You couldn’t hear yourself talk. You tried again.

“I can’t,” you stopped again, tears forming in your eyes.

You shook your head. Sam, Dean, and Cas all looked down at you with worry and concern plastered all over their faces. They were still trying to talk to you and you still couldn’t hear them.

You took a deep breath and as quickly as you could, you blurted out, “I can’t hear you.”

You weren’t sure if the words came out right or were even words at all, so you shook your head again and pointed to your ear.

Sam and Dean looked at each other and then looked to Cas. They were heatedly talking to Cas about something, but again you had no clue what. Dean continued to talk with Cas and Sam came back over to you. A soft smile filled his face as he crouched down and held out a hand to you. Slowly you stood up. The room spun and you leaned heavily on Sam’s shoulder to balance yourself. Seeing you standing and struggling, Dean rushed to your side, placed a hand on your back, and with both boys there for support, you managed to right yourself. They helped you out of the abandoned warehouse and into Baby’s backseat.

Sam and Dean continued to talk on the way back to the bunker. Occasionally, they would turn around to check to see how you were doing. Cas had disappeared and you assumed the boys had sent him off to try to find help. Cas was without his grace and was unable to heal you, so you knew they’d look for other sources for help. The hospital and doctor’s offices were too risky to get involved with, so you were going to need an unconventional solution. That is if they were able to find one.

At first, you strained to try to hear the slightest hint of a noise. The boys talking, Baby’s engine, the music playing, the wind, any noise would have given you hope that there was a solution. When no noise came, you tried to read the boy’s lips hoping they had an idea as to who could help. However, they weren’t facing you and what little you were able to make out didn’t make any sense to you. After a while, you gave up and put all of your faith in the boys. If Cas couldn’t find help, you were sure they would try everything they could. 

You curled up on the back seat and let the vibrations lull you to sleep. You roused from sleep as Dean carried you into your bedroom. He didn’t say a word, just smiled and kissed you on your forehead, before laying you down on your bed. As you drifted back off to sleep, your tired mind let you believe the accident had all just been a bad dream. You were safe and all was the way it should be.

The next morning, your mind woke up before your eyes did. The bunker was quiet and you were perfectly content to stay in bed and drift in and out of sleep. You rolled over and pulled the covers up. Suddenly, your entire body was wide awake. You hadn’t heard a single noise when you rolled over, not the squeak of the bed, not the rustling of the blankets, just silence.

Perhaps, you had heard it, but your sleepy mind didn’t register the noise. You held your hand up in front of your face and snapped your fingers, nothing. You snapped again, still nothing. You ran a hand over your face and groaned. It wasn’t a bad dream, yesterday really did happen and you really couldn’t hear anything. There’s no way you were going back to sleep now.

You climbed out of bed and made your way to the kitchen. As you poured yourself a coffee, it felt so strange to not be able to hear the liquid flowing into the cup. You then headed out to find the boys. You found Sam and Dean in the library, huddled around Sam’s laptop.

“Good,” Sam began to greet you, then squeezed his eyes shut tight and clapped a hand over his mouth.

You couldn’t help but giggle at how cute he was. Apparently, this would take some adjustments all around.

You joined them at the table and Sam reached for a nearby pen and paper. This was going to be tedious and slow going but everyone had questions and this was the only way to communicate with each other, at least for now.

Your words felt heavy on your tongue as you answered their questions. You were pretty sure they sounded different than usual too, but at least you were able to clearly communicate still.

Over the next few hours, you had managed to find out what happened, tell the boys how you were doing, find out what happened to Cas, and talk about what would happen next.

It was decided, for the time being, it would be best for you to not go with the boys on hunts. Without your hearing, you wouldn’t be able to communicate with them in the field and couldn’t hear what was happening around you. It was just too risky. You couldn’t disagree with the logic of the decision, but it wasn’t going to be easy to just sit back either. There was no mention of when you might be able to rejoin them hunting and you were pretty sure with how shaken up they both were about the whole situation, it would be a miracle if they ever let you hunt with them again.

You spent the rest of the day doing simple tasks while Sam and Dean did research on the new case. You decided to cook lunch for everyone to keep you busy. You quickly learned that even basic tasks weren’t basic anymore. You never realized how much you used your hearing until you lost it.

You made sandwiches for everyone on toasted bread, which took longer than it should have. You had forgotten that you wouldn’t be able to hear the toast pop up. You thought about making a pie but realized that would mean setting a timer, which you wouldn’t hear, or watching the clock. You decided to play it safe and just serve ice cream instead. You grabbed a few beers and carried it all into the library.

As soon as you stepped into the room the boys stopped talking and refused to say anything.

“I made you guys lunch. Figured you would be hungry,” you said, setting the food down on the table.

They shook their heads and smiled in response. Their silence was just too much, you couldn’t take it.

“Enough already!” You said throwing your hands in the air. “I know…I can’t hear you and I don’t know what you are saying, but you can’t clam up every time I come around either. I will never learn how to deal with this if you walk on eggshells around me.”

“Okay,” they responded with half smiles.

Dean scribbled something onto the paper and passed it to you.

“We just want you to be happy,” the note read.

“I can do it. If that’s what you want. I can fake a smile, I can force a laugh, I can dance and play the part, if that’s what you ask,” you responded.

“I can do it, but I’m only human. I crash and I break down. I can only take so much until I’ve had enough. Your words in my head, like knives in my heart. But I can do it. I’ll get through it, but I’m only human, and I will let you down,” you continued as the tears streamed down your cheeks.

“No, Y/N,” Dean said, but you couldn’t hear him and your tears didn’t let you see him.

“So before I let you down and before I fall apart, I will leave. I will go and not turn around, that way you will remember me for the strong hunter I was and not the weak human I’ve become,” by the time you finished Dean was at your side.

He wrapped his arms around you and hugged tightly. He turned you to face him, wiped the tears from your cheeks with his thumbs, then kissed you softly.

His actions spoke louder and clearer than any words ever could. It was an unspoken promise. It was him telling you that you were wrong, that you were strong. He was telling you that you weren’t going anywhere and he was going to help you to feel strong again.

With his help, with him by your side, you could do it.


End file.
